Refuge

It was a rainy school run morning. Everything and everyone was miserable. It’s as if we had all just completely had enough . The thought of change, and of leaving, was now a constant; it was just when. I suddenly felt very aware of how scared I was about leaving. I knew at that point I had no excuses left and it was the fear that was keeping us there. I just had to jump immediately, before this fear took hold. I said to my two older children, “Shall we just go, today, shall we just do it?” And they both immediately just agreed. They were angels, we were a real team. We got the essentials packed and some luxuries - my favourite pillow, the baby grows all the children wore as new-borns, some teddies the children wanted, books from childhood and I can’t remember what else. We had 7 hurried hours left to get out of the house before he came home. It was very hard and emotionally draining, saying goodbye to the house I loved. I didn’t feel it was a true home, but it was a lovely house. Refuge were expecting us as I had been in touch with the National Domestic Abuse Helpline who had been there to advise for a few weeks leading up to this point. I had as much knowledge as you at that point as to what to pack. I didn’t know if and when we would see any of our other things as I only had one car load I could fit. Family came to help us pack. Realisation took hold at times throughout the day and I ached to stay. Finally, we were as ready as I could be. It was around an hour's drive. We made our way to the postcode and from there we were given the address as its highly confidential. I won’t describe the area but needless to say it wasn’t a leafy suburb with tulips and a village green. It had a knife drop bin which I think paints the picture. We pulled up in the dark and rain, so tired out from this surreal day, rang the buzzer on reception and waited, and I thought of a quote which rattled around my head. "The hardest step we all must take is to blindly trust in who we are."

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