lies, deceit, with no cares, oh my!

And just like that he was gone. My extra jug of gravy - see blog two back - life four years on.

I was with someone for just over a year. This person has never made me feel so safe and secure. So adored even! So it’s hard to understand and process when I found him recently on dating sights. It’s hard to stop trying to understand why people, well men in my case will claim to be so in love but disrespect you at the same time.  I’ve been told so many lies I don’t know what was real and what wasn’t anymore. Being so blindsided makes you question everything and that you can never fully trust anyone again aside from your closest circle.  He led a double life, and was with his fiancee whilst dating me, for a long six months. He must have been quite stressed keeping such a close watch on everything he said. No wonder he had insomnia.

Naturally, I ended it. Being at refuge with amazing support workers really reminds you of your worth. I don't believe people who are so comfortable lying can ever be trusted again. Now, I navigate single life. I have a feeling of release and the familiarity that I can do anything I want to do again with complete freedom. I remember I am as capable on my own as always and don’t need IT support. (I do actually, I am just kidding myself on that point).  I keep having patches of adjusting to not having that support of another. It’s not that I will miss him so deeply. When someone isn’t who you thought they were, it’s easier to turn off feelings of love you had. The person you fell in love with was a lie and doesn’t exist. You can morn the person you thought they were but at this point I have to celebrate what an escape I had which, would have been a lifetime of lies and potential sti’s gifted to me by the women he was having affairs with.

So now, I throw myself into my fantastically marvellous children, friends and family who make me so deeply happy. I throw myself into my new work project which is launching 1st November and has a serious Christmas ring to it. And I bless the days my friend had the courage to tell me she had seen him advertising his wears on a dating site.

My extra jug of hot gravy in reality was a lukewarm warm jug of gravy granuals, and I , as we all do, deserve better.