Sometimes I’m asked, just how did you do it? That I could never. This is what helped me.
I had a song that I played over and over - ‘Defying Gravity’ from Wicked. Theres a line that says, “if this is love it comes at just too high a cost’ and it resonated with me deeply. I was giving him so much I was loosing myself. I was becoming thin, I was zoning out so much and becoming so inefficient, bursting into tears at the supermarket because I didn’t know what to buy for tea. Bursting into tears at the headteacher. Holding down jobs was becoming so hard as I had no resilience left. Things would just floor me. I remember crying because I couldn’t remember the way to a town 30 mins away. So, practically :
Financially - you will get help with universal credits so you can buy food and be reasonably comfortable, very if you have not had financial freedom. You won’t be without essentials at all.
All your direct debits associated with the house you can take your name off as you no longer live there. *Please note, I am not a solicitor so book an hours free call with one if you have a mortgage etc. Get advice from citizens advice who were INCREDIBLY helpful. There will be a way around all of these things. Don’t worry, and don’t let it stop you.
My finances were the lowest point of concern when I could see clearly what financial help I could get. The job centre understood and no pressure was applied as I couldn’t work with the transition and the children and getting back to a healthy place in every regard.
Personally I found it helpful to speak to my children. I wasn’t aware of how deeply unhappy they were till I asked the question. My little boy, when he was 9 or 10 was asked by school, “Leo, why didn’t you say anything to us?” And I was taken aback when he told her “I just wanted to smooth the way for Mum” He knew I was stressed and he felt it would have made things so difficult for me if he told anyone. The head told me this afterwards, and I was so touched by his care. I think we can presume what are children are feeling. We can presume we are making up for the abuse -we are in survival mode and its hard to see things as they really are. That no one is living the life they deserve or the happiness they could be having.
When you leave, you will feel like your world has dropped out. Remember -you won’t be alone - if you have no friends and family you will find them with the care of the support workers who are some of the best, loveliest people I have ever met. It takes courage, it takes a huge step into the unknown. My life is calm and its happy. The children are happy. I see my family, they see me and you’ll start to hear, ‘we’ve got the old Emily back’.
Don't think I left with a real F you attitude. I was scared, and it was a devestating time. It's normal to feel so paniky. Just trust the process. You will be safe and warm. Everything will be ok.